WITH A BRUISED HEART
Jane! Jane!! Jane!!!, hello, are you there??? I asked from the other side, for almost three weeks, my girlfriend has been ignoring my calls, used a paid phone, used a friends phone, and when she hears my voice, she goes mute.
It all started quite early in our relationship, I was your average guy, with nice body structure, six foot tall, Baritone voice, great dentition, amazing smile, my smile can be extremely captivating and infectious, it was like a virus, anyone who got in my way, gets infected. Everywhere I had been to, I have had ladies smile and wanting to know me. Seeing me smile, will heal your world, you certainly will find yourself smiling back uncontrollably. I was that guy who brings sunshine into any room, not necessarily because am tall or smart or handsome, it’s just the charm and charisma, I must have inherited it from my Dad. I was always in control, I had such a great confidence, confidence so expensive like a Maybach. Vladimir Putin had nothing on me in terms of confidence, and I heard Idris Alba is the Sexiest Man Alive, I bet you he is a learner when it comes to sexiest, I just don’t have the publicity he has. Unfortunately for me, this has been the genesis of the problem in my relationship. For the life in Jane, my girlfriend, she hated this part of me with a passion, she saw me as a Casanova, she saw me as a serial cheater, oh I am a gigolo to her, she would look me with great distaste, especially when having normal conversation with another lady, and it has been a battle. At the initial stage, I thought she was joking and jealous, but as weeks and months went by, she became more aggressive and pronounced.
I had tried so hard to let her know they were just friends, but she wasn’t having any of that. I was born this way, grew up this way, and the irony of it all was, I had never cheated, no not for once, never had a fling or flirt, when am not working, I am home. I was the home boy type, but she couldn’t see beyond her imaginations. There was a time my younger sister came around, that was early in the relationship, Jane walked in on us laughing and holding hands, apparently I didn’t see her, she immediately walked out and never picked my calls, I was worried and confused. And then I got a message, “Elvis its over I can’t deal with a cheater”, a cheater??? I was in shock for about ten minutes, how the phone slipped out of my hand, I couldn’t explain. I love Jane with great passion. She is a woman after my heart, and deep d0wn, I knew I was going to marry her. So I had my sister drive me down to her place, on getting there she went hay wire, you brought this little thing to my house? How dear you call my baby sister a thing, I yelled angrily, she paused, looking confused, she is your sister she asked……now I know where the problem is coming from. She apologized and we settled, but I knew it won’t be long before we were going to have a major breakdown.
Honestly I was to blame seventy percent of the time, I enjoyed the attention from the ladies, I felt cooler than ice, I loved the stares, the cute looks, I enjoyed the conversations, I felt like the real man, been able to make any lady laugh and smile, irrespective of her figure or status, I was always in control, it gave me that swag, that feeling like I was Hugh Hefner.
Going to church with Jane was a nightmare, after service I will have ladies around asking all irrelevant questions just to get a time with Prince Charming, yellow, red, blue, fat, slim, old, young, short, tall, curvy, just name it.
But one thing is for sure, I absolutely had -0.01% feelings for them, I only enjoyed the attention, at the detriment of my relationship. Don’t get it twisted ladies, I loved Jane with my life, if I had wanted money, I could have dated one of the rich ladies on my long list, who found me irresistible.
While I enjoyed this tasty, spicy and hot encounters, my relationship suffered and I completely lost myself and got carried away. I had caused my baby so many heartaches, sleepless nights, tears, and she wasn’t having it anymore, she was tired, wounded, she was obviously too weak to fight, to fight for a man who keeps smiling like a hyena on heat.
Then one Sunday evening, she approached me with the most serious face I have ever seen in a lady, I am sure Angelina Jolie can’t produce this look, it was mean, I guess the event at the church had finally knocked her off. She said to me, it’s over for the last time, don’t call or text me, bye. I tried calming her, and she suddenly screamed at me, it was so loud, that it pulled down a glass cup sitting at the edge of the table, this isn’t Jane, I saw the fire in her eyes, I heard the violence and anger in her voice. I had to let her go. And for the first time in years I felt lifeless.
I couldn’t concentrate at work, I lost my charming smile, any lady who smiled at me as usual, was going to meet a face like that of Denzel Washington in “the equalizer”, I had sleepless nights, I was a dancehall and hip-hop person, but found myself listening to Adele, it must have hit me hard for me to have lost my genre of music, I couldn’t cope anymore, I was losing my mind, it dawn on me when I started wearing different pairs of shoes, then I knew I was going to be sent to a psychiatric home, I needed to act fast, I couldn’t even endure in three weeks, what Jane went through in months.
It was time to man up and go apologise, I was going to appear there with confidence, even though I was looking like a lost puppy. The time is now. I can’t possibly imagine spending life without Jane, she has my password, she was my breath, she was my shining armour, my chef, she was the source of my charming smile after all. I picked the car keys, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I was going to fight with my last breathe to get my woman back……..
The list below was how my Apology episode went, and it should serve as a guide to the fellas who might need it, maybe now, maybe soon, you never can say when you will. And if you really love her, don’t let her walk away………………………don’t.
11/07/2018:As I knocked the door, a friend of hers opened, and we greeted, I felt awkward and I felt like a stranger, as I walked in she sited me from the sofa, she jumped up and screamed at me, “you pathetic cheater” what are you doing here, she said some imprinted words to me, in front of her friends, she pushed me like a five year old boy out of her house, banged the door, and threatened to call the cops for a restraining order on me. Hmm now I know what they mean when they say, “hell hath no fury like a lady scorned”
RULE 1: BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST, BUT LOOK REMORSEFUL AND BE HUMBLE, BRACE YOURSELVES FELLAS, ITS GOING TO BE TOUGHER THAN WW2.
15/07/2018: Sent her a text, since she wasn’t picking my calls, it was a short message “hi, how was your day, goodnight”
RULE 2: KEEP COMMUNICATING FROM A DISTANCE, AND MAKE IT SHORT AND SIMPLE, NO PET NAMES, NO “I LOVE YOU”, JUST BE SIMPLE, YOURE TRYING TO WIN HER BACK, DON’T GO ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENDED, YOURE GOING TO WORSEN THE SITUATION, WOMEN WANT YOU TO ACCEPT YOUR MISTAKES, AND SHOW IT.
17/07/2018: I got her Gearhart’s Fine chocolates, it was her favourite, and also her best flowers, she would usually keep the flowers by her bedside, good she doesn’t know where I get them in town, and fortunately for me, she couldn’t do without them. I dropped them by her door with a card that reads “take your time, don’t worry, I will wait till forever, if that’s what it takes to have you back.
RULE 3: ALWAYS TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO MAKE HER REMEMBER THE BEST MOMENTS YOU HAD TOGETHER, AND GET SOMETHING THAT COULD LINK BOTH OF YOU TO SOMETHING YOU USUALLY ENJOYED TOGETHER, OR THINGS YOU ALONE WOULD USUALLY DO FOR HER.
22/07/2018: I went to her place in the evening, hoping she would be alone, so I could pour my heart out, as I approached the door, I saw the flower and chocolate in the trash can, really!, I was a bit angry, but well for me, no retreat, no surrender. I walked to her door, and knocked, no response, used the bell, no response, I knew she was home, she must have seen my face from the peephole, I could smell her fragrance, and her car was on the driveway, game on.
RULE 4: REFER TO RULE 1-BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST AT EVERY GIVEN TIME. AND NOTE THE RACE IS NOT FOR THE SWIFT, IT COULD TAKE YOU WEEKS AND MONTHS OF BEGGING, BE PREPARED.
29/07/2018: I met her at the birthday of our church’s youth president, it was announced after church, and I knew she was going to be there, because they were quite close, perfect place, perfect timing. I sited her at the house party and I walked up to her, hi I whispered, but she kept mute. All through the party I was absent minded, So I had to wait for her by a corner after the party, and not around her car, I asked politely for a few minutes of her time, she accepted with the meanest look ever, one minute, she said, I tried in few seconds, to pour my heart out, I apologized wholehearted, with my voice shaking, and tears in my eyes, right there I knew the love I had for her was stronger than a rock. She went from 69 degree Celsius to 7 degrees in seconds, I held her hands, and she felt the genuineness of my apology, it was the magical moment, she closed her eyes deeply, and I saw a tear drop from her eye, I must have hurt her deeply. She removed my hands and off she went, I knew she was going to have a rethink. It was an emotional night for the both of us, and deep down I could tell she still loved me.
RULE 5: NEVER STALK HER, OR APPEAR TO BE STALKING HER, THAT MIGHT MAKE HER ANGRIER, AND PLEASE BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR APOLOGY, WOMEN CAN SMELL A FAKE APOLOGY FASTER THAN A BURNT FOOD. AND DON’T SHOW UP AT HER PLACE ANYHOW OR ANYTIME, YOU DON’T WANT HOT GRITS POURED ON YOUR HEAD. BE PRECISE, BE HONEST, AND BE REMORSEFUL. NO ATTITUDE, PLEASE FELLAS BURY YOUR EGO AND PRIDE, YOU WONT BE NEEDING THEM SOON.
30/07/2018: I sent her a text again “thanks for taking your time to listen to me” I appreciate.
RULE 6: YOU ARE TRYING TO WIN HER BACK,PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS, AND BE A GENTLEMAN, AND DON’T COME UP WITH AN EPISTLE OF I LOVE YOU LYRICS,SHE WILL DELETE THEM BEFORE YOU GET A “MESSAGE SENT” NOTIFICATION.
09/08/2018: I gave her sometime, and needed to create scarcity, then i sent her a message on WhatsApp, “hi hope you’re doing good, please I will like us to talk, I was thinking we could meet at the park, thanks. It was our favourite spot, and in almost three months, I finally got a reply, “4:00pm” that was the only word she sent, for me that’s enough. Finally I exhaled deeply, I started singing “I gotta a feeling. That tonight’s gonna be a good night”.
I was at the park by 3:00, to prepare my speech, and also to get a nice and quiet spot. As I sat there, with all kind of thoughts, was she going to accept me back, or is this going to be a valedictory service, I kept looking at the watch, an hour felt like a week. And around 4; 12, as I raised my head, I saw her from a distance, walking slowly, and throwing a hips from right to left, her hair was flowing and swinging to the wind, she wore a peaceful look, as she approached me, I could smell that special fragrance only she wore, ohhhh I have missed a lot, I greeted and she gave me a casual hi, no hugs, well maybe not today, there was a calm uncomfortable silence. And after asking all the irrelevant questions, I held her hands, and went on my knees, and with the deepest of my Baritone voice, baby I was wrong, I said all the sweetest things in the world, Williams Shakespeare’s must have been turning in his grave. I accepted and admitted all my flaws and promised never ever to go back to them, it was a short and brief moment, but it was deeper than the Pacific Ocean, we finally hugged and then I walked her back to the car, holding hands and smiling…….
RULE 7: MAKE A PLAN TO SIT HER DOWN, SO YOU COULD HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION AS ADULTS, MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS PLAIN, BE SINCERE AND ACCEPT YOUR MISTAKE, BURY YOUR PRIDE AND EGO, YOU WONT BE NEEDING THEM ON SUCH A DAY, BE MAN ENOUGH. AND MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN KEEP. ABOVE ALL, LET HER KNOW IT’S A FRESH START, AND GIVE HER A SENSE OF BELONGING, A SENSE THAT SHE IS THE ONLY QUEEN IN YOUR PALACE.
All the best fellas as you embark on your own apology journey, as for me and Jane, we are back together, but well I am on a six month long probation. So for me ,no more random lady smiling, no more prince charming, no more Mr sexiest. Right now I am like the pope, I just wave from a distance, and the next time you see me, don’t bother wasting your smile, I won’t be smiling back, not now, not any moment soon, not in thirty years.